THE SONIC BOOMER
My 11-year-old granddaughter, Tess, is about to be issued a punch card from Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, where she lives. (“After 9 visits, get the 10th one free.”) They don’t have such a thing but, if they did, she would surely be the first recipient.
It’s not that’s Tess is accident-prone — she’s just curious. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves. The last two months have been particularly stressful. Let’s review:
October 1: Following weeks of complaining, Tess is taken to the doctor where she is given a medical “boot” to wear because she is growing so fast the growth plate on her foot can’t keep up. (This is nobody’s fault.)
October 8: Tess accidentally sprays herself in the face with pepper spray. (She was merely investigating the can, but did so in front of her room’s air conditioner.)
October 15: Tess is rushed from the school lunchroom to the hospital emergency room for swallowing a tiny, powerful magnet. Her friend, who swallowed two, is also admitted. (They were pretending they had tongue studs.)
October 22: Yay! Things are looking good! Tess’s boot is removed and she is given a shoe insert instead. (She is also given firm instructions to take it easy on the foot.)
October 29: Tess is rushed back to the emergency room because her neck is all red and she “can’t breathe.” (Turns out to be makeup. “Maybe I just need attention,” she explained. Or maybe Children’s Mercy caters to these kids a little too much.)
November 5: Tess burns a large hole in the bathroom floor while experimenting with a candle near a roll of paper towels. (The towels tipped over, shattering the candle holder and causing glass to fly everywhere. Then the entire ensemble burst into flames, but her father got the fire out in time — almost.)
November 12: Tess’s shoe insert is removed and her foot is encased in a cast. (Cartwheels: not good. Other students crowding around to sign a big ol’ cast: very, very good.)
November 19: Tess borrows a one-knee scooter from a kid at school because the cast “slows me down.”
At any rate, “Hot Wheels” (as her teachers are now calling her) has evidently satisfied her inner craving for attention, at least medical attention. She has now pivoted (literally) to decorating her cast for the holidays. When she arrived at school today, it was green with battery-operated twinkle lights strung around the rim. Signers’ names were bathed alternately in blue, green and red light.
Still, you’d think that with all the school she’s missed due to recurring doctor’s appointments and frequent hospital visits, she’d be lagging behind in her studies. Not so. The kid has straight A grades with a huge dollop of “Look At Me.”
I like to think she takes after her grandma… her other grandma.
