THE SONIC BOOMER
Gather around, children, and I will tell you a story about “The Good Ol’ Days.”
“Aw, Grandma, not again!”
Hush, hush, hush. This is a story I haven’t told you yet — a story of Easters long ago… maybe 12 months ago.
“Wow! Twelve months?!?”
Anyway, once upon a time, in many countries around the world, people believed that a giant rabbit would hop from door to door, delivering baskets full of brightly colored eggs and candies to the children on the night before Easter.
“You mean the Night Before Christmas?”
No, I don’t.
“Did he wear his mask?”
No, he didn’t wear a mask — not the kind you’re used to, anyway.
“Did he take off his shoes before entering the house?”
Rabbits don’t wear shoes. Let me tell the story, please. So, this giant Easter Bunny would tiptoe around the children’s homes and hide the baskets…
“Did he disinfect the baskets when he came in?”
“Did he spray his feet with Lysol?”
“OMG! Do the kids’ parents know he’s in there?!”
It was a simpler time! No masks, no disinfectant! The parents were happy their kids were getting Easter baskets!
“Easter baskets full of COVID-19.”
Stop it. There was no COVID-19. The rabbit just came in, hid the baskets and left. In the morning, the children would look all around the house and, when they found their baskets, gorge themselves on candy.
“Where’d the bunny get the candy? China?”
No, not China. He made the candy himself in his factory.
“Who helped him?”
Lots of other little rabbits.
“Did they wear their gloves?”
Rabbits don’t wear gloves. Rabbits are animals. They don’t get COVID-19.
“That’s what they used to say about bats.”
OK, we’re off the subject. As I was saying, the children would find their baskets and gobble up their candy until it was time for church.
(Sigh.) Church is where people gathered to worship together…
“Together? How many of them? More than 10? Did they stay six feet apart? Were they wearing their masks?!”
Stop with the masks! They sat right next to each other. They sang together. They shook hands with each other when they left.
(Covering their ears) “Stop, Grandma! Stop! Stop! Stop! How did you ever survive that madness?
(Sadly) Like I said, it was a simpler time.
(Hugging me.) “We’re glad you made it through, Grandma. Can we go out to play now?”
Sure you can. Just remember to wear your masks and to zip up the bubble nice and tight.